Output 10--Practice and play.

I never learned how to practice.

It should feel like play... but I never really learned how to play.

I loved to listen to music. I loved to sing. But I was afraid to practice. I still don't understand why, but I'm sure it had something to do with pressure. Pressure is not play.

I have a play room--it's my office/art studio/music practice space/tiki bar. Until now, I haven't used it much. Even if I'm working on art, it's usually somewhere I can sit in front of a TV.

So I never got good at an instrument, which means I have always had to rely on other peoples' assistance if I want to sing in front of people. It sucks. I hate it.

My dream, honestly, is to busk. For me, if art isn't immediate, it's lacking. I just wanna be singing in front of people and I have never cared about preserving it for posterity. I fucking hate that busking is quasi-legal most places.

Anyway. I picked a Skillshare beginner guitar class today and absorbed several lessons and practiced. I am a beginner, honestly, because I never learned to do it right. I have everything I need to play guitar--I bought this 60s Sears Silvertone with amp-in-case with some of my 401K Mad Money. (I bought the synth and the beat box used when I was trying to find an instrument to play with my band--never found one, because I REFUSED TO PRACTICE.)

I would love to get to the point where I ENJOY playing an instrument as much as I enjoy singing but I have to get good at one in order for that to happen. As always, it seems like a supernatural-level impossible task. We shall see.