Output 7--#itme

This is part of the art for my band's next--and final--recording. My band was called Quitting. I didn't quit Quitting. Quitting quit me. But I deserved it.

Being in a band is hard. Being in a band when you can't finish a song for two years because you're caught in some kind of bizarre creative paralysis is harder. We had been in a holding pattern for so long, and not only because of my inability to write. When I missed 5 weeks of practice in a row, first because I was on a 2 week Vegas spree, and then sick with the post-Vegas flu, the last straw broke.

I miss my band. I had never written melodies or lyrics, or sung lead, before Quitting; I learned so much and became so confident as a singer. It's now pretty much the ONLY thing I'm confident about. I'm also proud of almost all my songs, especially the lyrics, which I think are smart, catchy, and clever, like the lyrics of my favorite songwriters. I used my curiosity to explore topics from other characters' points of view, which I remember Neko Case talking about in an interview ages ago. It was very creatively satisfying.

I don't know why I stopped writing. It was always a bit of a struggle but after a couple of years, the demo folder became like a phobia for me. The inability to push past this wall in my brain between ideas and desires, and execution of same, has tortured me my whole life. If I get anything out of the train ride that's coming, I hope it's the ability to crush that wall and create without all this fucking internal drama.

I hate drama, I really do. If I can put a stop to this particular drama for the remainder of my life, I will be very, very grateful.